This is a real profile from a dating site

Through a complicated series of events (no, I am not on a dating site), I was exposed to this dating profile last week and had to save it for posterity. I am no expert, but I feel this person may be a narcissist and also a wee bit pretentious. Just a guess. On his profile page, he had a very romantic picture of his muscles backlit by the setting sun.  (Apparently, he is a competitive weight lifter of some kind.)  I bolded my two favorite of his statements.

How to describe yourself? That’s sort of like the high school guidance counselor’s trick questionnaire that pigeonholes you into some strange vocation for the rest of your life. There may be no wrong answers, but there sure are some bad ones.

I suppose I am what you would call an autodidactic polymath. Relax, nothing is wrong with me. No. I am perfect and charming in every way. And now that we are both laughing, this isn’t nearly as awkward. Many of my interests tend to be at opposite ends of the spectrum. I’m equally comfortable in a suit or flip-flops. I can be both articulate and low brow. Adaptability and versatility are two of my biggest strengths.

I’m typically laid back and easy going. I don’t strive to make the scene or be seen. I abhor pretension and excessive ego, but praise confidence and self-esteem. I’m interested in people who are real and authentic. I cannot tolerate flippancy. Forging friendships, sharing bonds, and being intimate (and not just that kind of intimate gutter mind), is something to be celebrated. I have definitely seen and experienced my fair share of hardships – more than most, not as much as some. Get to know me, and you will find that I am extremely compassionate, empathetic, and a good listener. I am also extraordinarily loyal and trusting, almost to a fault. That being said, I like to balance my serious aspects with plenty of humor. I’m often told I look like Keanu Reeves. That tends to work out well because I can’t act either. See- that’s at least kind of funny. Not your type of humor? Fine. Keep it to yourself. Remember, silence is golden, but duct tape is silver. Now that’s damn funny.

I’m looking for someone who is intelligent, has an amazing sense of humor, and is deeply caring. Someone who is active and athletic, who takes care of themselves physically and emotionally, is outgoing, fun loving, and is up for a challenge and new experiences. Someone who is able to articulate their feelings and emotions, who says what they mean, and is true to their word. My ideal significant other is allegiant, has a strong sense of core values, can see past mere surface appearances, and knows what is truly important. Someone who is strong and independent, yet relationship-minded, and wants to spend time together. I know what it’s like to be a step parent, and cherish being in that role when the fit is right.

It is with mixed emotions that I am starting a new chapter in my life. Unfortunately, I don’t have much time to dedicate to meeting new people, hence my profile. Please know that I do my best to respond to email in turn, but sometimes I get pretty far behind. Thanks for reading.